Thirty-One

That’s it. I’m 31. 31 and one day, actually. Three decades of my life gone. I have lived, I have worked, I have toiled, I have loved. I made mistakes, I was naive, I was dumb. I also grew up, got stronger, wiser. I have learned to be grateful, to belittle obstacles with sarcastic jokes. Grateful for the small army of helpers that have emerged: my sister who woke up at 5 to bake me a yummy birthday cake, my not so little anymore cousins, my loving colleagues, my family who have witnessed my whole life from crawling baby to working woman, Sister Niti my spiritual guide, my friends who have patiently listened to my relentless whining… Books, work, career, music, game of thrones, writing…

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What I like to call my Iron Throne Cake
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Made by my sister at 5 in the morning
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“A song of mint kit kat and mnms”

Move from Life Plan A to Life Plan X. Be OK with that. I’ve been through too much to fool myself into believing that I know where I’m going. But I love life, I love me. I love me living my own life. I will do the best I can with it. I will correct my mistakes, polish up my flaws. I will be my best. Happiness is not a life event. It is not becoming the perfect picture of happiness that you have in your mind that will make you happy. When you graduate you will want a good job, when you have a good job, you will want a great job, you will want to marry, have kids. When you want it all you will want time off from all of it. No, happiness is not a life event. Happiness is a subtle state of mind. In fact, it is so subtle that it might sometimes slip out of your understanding’s grasp.

Lately, I have found myself exploring spirituality through meditation. I hope that one day I will be able to master meditation and have full control over my thoughts and emotions. For now, the soothing sensation of emptying your mind and turning your thoughts inwards is relaxing and really helps. Maybe one day, I will grow to become so self-sufficient that I will not feel the need to connect with people. But right now, that sounds like too lonely an experience. It is a really comforting thought however that God put me on this path, and that it is God guiding me out of this storm. Is there a lesson to be learnt from it, is there a higher purpose to it all, is it just reaping bad karma? In any way, when you hit the bottom, the only way you can go is up. That deserves a smile 🙂

So, life at 31 is not even remotely like how I thought it would be. And that’s OK. I will be OK. Eva Longoria got married at 41. There might be hope for the rest of all mortals.  (That’s what I meant by sarcastic jokes)

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