In between my roles as a wife, examiner, sister, daughter, friend, writer, 29 going on 30 year old person, I discovered a new French band called FAUVE. I am still deciding whether I like it or not. A girl called Valentina sang one of their songs on The Voice France auditions, and it sort of made me curious about the band. Their style is a sort of rap / slam and the tone is dazed, confused and searching. Just like the way I’m feeling right now. Just the usual, corporate life sucks the life out of me. I need to find a way to generate survival money on my own, it’s just that at 30, you need to feel like you have some marketable skills which do not necessarily require a corporation to enable you to feed yourself. The safest thing is to develop that famous Plan B after work hours, so you keep your day job, while planning the dream job. When Plan B gets sustainable (and profitable), the you make it become Plan A. However, the eight hours of your day job are the eight hours where you are most productive, and around which your life revolves, and afterwards you feel so drained that it does not leave you with much energy to do anything but watch TV like a zombie afterwards. The new plan is to find a solution to unzombify myself after work. Maybe exercise would help, Robin Sharma sure believes it. According to him, the more fit you are, the less hours of sleep you need. Maybe I’ll start with that…
This year I turn 30. My dad turns 60. My second year of marriage. Second semester (out of four) into my Masters in Financial Management and Taxation (Sometimes I have to write the whole title down so I don’t forget it). Considering I put on 5kgs more than my upper bracket of average weight, I will attempt to shed them all and become more fit. I have found that exercise makes me feel better and less tired, even if it’s as boring as hell. My hobbies and passion have been questioned. I remember when I was younger, it was much easier to answer questions about “What are you passionate about?”, “What kind of music do you like?”, “What sort of hobbies do you have?”. Answering these questions honestly would amount to this: “Whenever I get some free time, I find myself lying like a zombie in front of my television, watching a lot of nonsense, especially american exports.” Well, maybe I’m exaggerating a little. Just a little. From an interview of a lady owning a jewellery store in Paris, I was inspired by how she thought that “La toilette du matin est le plus beau moment de la journee”, meaning “Getting ready in the morning for her is the best moment of the day.” For her, it’s similar to art. I think I read somewhere, I think it was from Baudelaire on dandyism, how make-up and working on the way you portray your personal style is similar to working on yourself as a work of art. What a wonderful thought, right? What I have grown up to think as vanity or a pure wastage of time, now I’m beginning to find that it might not be as useless after all. I still think that beauty transcends mere physical traits and choice of clothes and makeup. But maybe these could be an extension of inner beauty. It surely is pleasing to the eye.
Getting back to 2015, I will try my best to read more and write more. The first year of moving into a new place and a new life has left me so busy that I have just been letting things happen without having much control. Maybe it’s like first year at university? Where you think it’s going to be a certain way, but it turns out to be a whole lot different and you end up spending your time doing things you never imagined doing. I remember, it was only during my third year at uni that I felt truly at home and good in my skin. So much that I didn’t mind walking around campus in my PJs. So hopefully in 2015, I will be able to have more control on things that I do.
I am not going to make any more resolutions for 2015. I don’t want my life to be an endless tickbox checking. You finally finish this great big step in your life that is a wedding, then you fret about further education, a better job, having babies! So when is it that you will take time to sit down and enjoy what you actually have right now, in this very moment?
So I will probably still waste time on facebook and Pinterest and Daily Mail, but I will also take time to feel grateful and content and happy, and then whatever comes will come!